Sunday, April 26, 2015

He’s Just Not That Into You—A no-excuses Truth to (Valuing Women To Their "Proper Place" with dating Gender Inequality

I’ll tell you one thing. If I did not tell a certain man how I feel and nothing ever evolved I would feel like the BIGGEST SCHMUK! (Not only would I feel like one, but actually become a schmuk!)
There is so much I have to say about this book that my blog readers will get tired if I put it all in one blog. So I will do it chapter by chapter. CHAPTER ONE: He’s Not That Into You if He’s Not Asking You Out. Nona’s Rating: TRIPLE THUMBS DOWN. I heard of the book when I was one of the million viewers of Sex and the City show. When Miranda gave two random girls a gospel of how the guy was not into them after overhearing their conversation, the girls whispered, “What a bitch.” My take? Yeah, what a bitch. The male character in Sex and the City “Jack Berger,” was the advocate, heroically saying to Charlotte and the rest, “He’s just not that into you.” You remember how Jack Berger left the show, right? He left a post-it note breaking up with Carrie Bradshaw. Brave man! What I think of the author Greg Behrendt? Smart, clever, sarcastic, humorous, and too much of a little boy to deal with a woman who decides to take charge of initiating with a man. Yes, chapter one says it all. It made me throw the book toward the other chair in the library. If I make the first move, I’m not doing heavy lifting. I am a proud feminist who loves flirting with men, dressing sensual, and expressing interest. I won’t apologize for asking men out or confessing my feelings. I feel free, happy and liberated to put the moves on the opposite sex. If people don’t like it, that’s their problem.
No, I wasn’t neglected growing up. I was born this way.
I am not desperate. It doesn’t mean I’m a slut. Grow up, people!
There are humans (men, women, transgender) who enjoy the thrill of the chase. Some humans want to be chased. (men, women, transgender). There are no gender roles. That’s Dog Crap. It’s each individual’s personality traits that will determine their role in the dating game. The men I asked out were taken aback but admitted I was brave and even admired me. Yes, and some said no. Did I go in the bathroom to cut myself with a razor? No.
If women think they can handle men’s jobs in the world, they can handle rejection just like men of centuries had to endure when being put in the role of having to ask a woman out.
What Greg says on page 16 – 17: “Men, for the most part, like to pursue women. We like not knowing if we can catch you. We feel rewarded when we do. Especially when the chase is a long one.” (Me: poor woman on that!) “We know there was a sexual revolution (We loved it.) We know women are capable of running governments, heading multinational corporations, and raising loving children—sometimes all at the same time. That, however, doesn’t make men different.”
My response? We women are not prizes. We women are not prey.
This is objectifying women. It sounds like the author is making a desperate attempt to return to roles of men and women back to the 1950s. Sure, women can make six-figure incomes but they have to be a prize for men to work for? Does this fit with any of you who have a brain??? At the end of the chapter Greg points out that “You are Good Enough to Be Asked Out.” This sentence is pure manipulation and geared toward women.
Anyone is good enough to be asked out if they are a great person!
Women have been brainwashed to think that the only way they can be “valued” in the dating world is having THE MAN making the first move or having THE MAN doing all or most of the work. Have you ever read that nightmarish book, “The Rules?” Do you know that some men are going on “strike” for this? Not all men agree. Do you hear people say, “If the agency or company is interested, they will call you back.” Well, if they don’t call me back, I am told, as a woman, to follow up, or PURSUE the job. So it seems like that kind of pursuing is “allowed” for women to do ‘cause, after all it’s a job. But to follow up on a guy? Shame! Shame! For centuries, women have been told that they will only be valued if they wait until they are married to have sex. Fortunately the mainstream media is now saying otherwise. So I think it’s very pathetic to have anyone buy into this dogmatic crap that women deserve to only be asked out and not the other way around. There is no rule here. Some people are shy. Many men online will drop a note with a “Hi.” It says they want to know me but if they say anymore they will risk rejection. They want to wait for me to say “Hi,” back or hopefully for me to say more. Another sentence preached by Greg at the end of chapter one: “Just because you like to lead doesn’t mean he wants to dance. Some traditions are born of nature and last through time for a reason.” Hmm. I wonder what people said when women were fighting for the right to vote. I think it was that they were too emotional to make an objective decision on a candidate based on their biology??? Women, listen to me VERY CAREFULLY. This sentence about “liking to lead” preached by Greg is a PARALLEL of that argument. This is a similar attitude reflecting back about women not being equipped to fight in a war or become president. BIOLOGY was used to justify this attitude. Saying we are too emotional. Too emotional and not STRONG ENOUGH to handle rejection. Now it’s being used again into the uplifting book, “He’s Just Not that Into You.” So now that BIOLOGY is the magic word, and it's the end to all means, what does that say for the homosexual population? Think, think, people. And my take women having to WAIT for men to take the lead? It’s said in big CAPS in my eyes: MALE SUPREMACY. MALE PRIVILEGE. MALE ENTITLEMENT. MALE DOMINANCE. Sigh. *Disclaimer*: Men should only work to get me AFTER doing something wrong, or mistreating me. I mean, shouldn’t anyone follow that? And not just in dating but friendships too? IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE NONA: A FEW LINKS SUPPORTING MY ARGUMENT: …And if you really like to be scared (to you male-only-be pursuers), check this!

Sunday, January 25, 2015

How I Was Made for Chasing Boys: A Fourth Grader's Story

It was during the first half of the eighties. I just began puberty. Billy Idol was in, Madonna just started, and Sixteen Candles was in the making. I hadn't begun wearing any make-up but I knew I wanted to be popular. I wanted to be liked by everybody. But particularly by this one blond hair blue-eyed boy fictionally named Guido Scardapello. Guido Scardapello was a trouble-maker, a bad boy. He just turned 11 in my fourth grade class but I saw him as a man. He was taller than all the other boys. He was cocky, obnoxious, but playful. I watched him all the time. I told my mother and friends all about Guido, Guido, Guido. I met him in the third grade, but the hormones didn't start kicking in until a year later. During the winter around January, I kept looking at him when we lined up to go to the school buses at the end of the day. He was wearing a black ski mask. Earlier, I was inspired by a jersey he wore. On the front it said something about Disco being dead and Rock n' Roll being in. On the back of the shirt, it said "The Fly." So in addition, another reason I liked him was his charisma. So going back to being in line, I kept staring at him while he was mouthing off about something and then caught me staring at him. He came up and hit me on the shoulder, "Hey, stop looking at me! You're UGLY!" I remember my face heating up and I nearly teared. I was so embarrassed and ashamed. He was cruel. Well, eventually I got over it. I saw the boy every day. Miss Anzelone, my teacher always condescended him in front of the class. She'd get into one of her big lectures about pride. "Guido does not have any pride. So n' So does." It only turned me on. A boy with no pride. So one day either in the spring or fall we were outside at recess. Chase was the game. So it was either the boys chasing girls or girls chasing boys theme of that day. I was happy to hear that it was girls chasing the boys. We were on monkey bars and the boys would jump at us. I remember jumping down and running after any random boy. Then I saw Guido. Suddenly I felt a rush--so good that I began to have so much energy. As I took my first steps towards Guido he began to run. I couldn't remember if he had a smile on his face, but boy, I was feeling an unbelievable high. For the first time, it was a high so pleasurable that I didn't want it to end. I claimed, and owned the feeling. And I ran after him as if he were my territory. He was the prize. And I would feel like on top if I ever caught him. I couldn't remember if I tagged or grabbed him that day in 1983, but it was a foreshadowing event that had set my calling for the rest of my life. Chasing boys was fun. Chasing boys made me high. Boys chased me, who cared? That was boring. I wanted to be the pursuer, the chaser, the hunter. He could keep playing hard to get, but with my special skills, one day, I will get him to surrender. Well, that's all for now. Coming from a woman of the 21st century. The days of only men chasing women in my book are long gone...

Friday, May 18, 2012

Red Elephant Cafe Studio.: Artist/Author Nona Sebastian

Red Elephant Cafe Studio.: Artist/Author Nona Sebastian: About the Artist Past Since I was very young, art has been a natural talent for me and has provided a way for me to express myse...

Friday, December 23, 2011


There will be a series of tales where I will look back to my youth since I am surrounded by no one my age.